Revisiting routine
Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Patti Smith, and small choices we make
The problem….is more basically: how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life; how to remain balanced, no matter what centrifugal forces tend to pull one off center; how to remain strong….What is the answer? There is no easy answer, no complete answer. I have only clues, shells from the sea. The bare beauty of the channelled whelk tells me that one answer, and perhaps a first step is in simplification of life, in cutting out some of the distractions. But how? Total retirement is not possible. I cannot shed my responsibilities. I cannot permanently inhabit a desert island. I cannot be a nun in the midst of family life. I would not want to be. The solution for me, surely, is neither in total renunciation of the world, not in total acceptance of it. I must find a balance somewhere, or an alternating rhythm between these two extremes; a swinging of the pendulum between solitude and communion, between retreat and return. In my periods of retreat, perhaps I can learn something to carry back into my worldly life.
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh, A Gift from the Sea
It’s been weeks away from writing and they have been busy weeks. Full of travel. Full of friends. Full of hugs from people I love and who love me. Full of water, especially lakes which always make me smile. Time away was restorative.
I read quite a bit while I was away: on the deck overlooking the lake, at different pools we visited, in a few hotel rooms, and waiting at a few airport gates. I made my way through Ari Shapiro’s memoir, and the challenging and incredible Chain Gang All Stars. Now, I am deep into listening to Patti Smith’s Just Kids and paging through Erik Larson’s The Splendid and the Vile. I also explored some new Substacks, including Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Austin Kleon Patti Smith Alana Kirk Shauna Niequist Lisa Olivera Lizzie Lasaterto name a few.
Do you ever find wonder in how varied writing can be? How we share ourselves in so many different ways. Some writers share their process or their lists. Some share drawings. Some diatribes. Others reflections. Offerings all. Each unique.
I am reminded that there are many ways.
It is a good time to remember that.
School is starting and we are revisiting routines at home. My daughter has become more teen than girl this summer, though at times still very much a girl. Amen. Our routines are changing more than they have since there was a daughter.
Rather than doing what we have always done, we’ve been asking “what is right for us right now?” There are things that we want to hold onto from what we used to do: Thursday afternoons at the café, for example: “Those are our afternoons together, Mama.” Be still my heart.
There is that which we want to let go. “I’ll make my own lunch, thanks.” Applause!
Part of looking at the “us” is also looking at the “me.”
Funny how hard it is to answer questions about me while I can list many things that are right for us. Right for her. Right for me? Right now? What is right for me right now? That’s harder.
During the break, I pulled out my worn copy of Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s A Gift from the Sea. I am reminded on this reading - truly my umpteenth - that we are many things. That there are many ways. At the same time, I am listening to Patti Smith’s Just Kids. I’ve fallen in love with her penchant for appreciating small things. Has Patti Smith read A Gift from the Sea? I hope she has. I think they both would appreciate and find similarity in the ways they take note, the ways they inquire, the ways they revisit again the importance of their routine and the small things.
Routines are made up of so many small things. Small choices we make over and over again. What other choices do I want to make? What do I want to hold on to? What do I want to let go? What is right for me right now?
I find myself wondering if whatever answer I come up with is the right one? I know better than to stay there. I think of Ted Lasso: “You just listen to your gut, okay? And on your way down to your gut, check in with your heart. Between those two things, they'll let you know what's what.” And I remember Anne Morrow Lindbergh: “What is the answer? There is no easy answer, no complete answer. ”
I am reminded there are many ways.
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Prompts for you:
When you look at “you,” in what ways are you considering others? What happens when you look at you?
Consider a routine of your own. What small choices are you making ? Identify them, choice by choice. How might you change?
What is right for you right now?
Oh I love this so much (and thank you for the mention... very much appreciated). As a single mum to three teenage girls leaping valiantly into young womanhood, this really resonates. As my eldest becomes an adult in 2 months, and my youngest starts secondary school, leaving behind the best part of 18 years between them of me walking one or all of them to primary school, it is a constant presence in my parenting ... to shift from being the commander to the guide. To go from walking in front of them leading, to now walking alongside where we take it in turns to choose the route until eventually I know they’ll be off ahead, living their lives, and I will be watching with love and longing (and, since this is something I coach a lot of women in - freedom to live a big chunk of extended midlife for me!).