Ready
From being prepared to being ready for right now
You Reading This, Be Ready
by William StaffordStarting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life —What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?
I like to be prepared for things. It brings me joy when someone asks if anyone has Tylenol or a pen or a bandaid and I can be that person.
When I think of being ready, my first reaction is to connect it to being prepared. Am I ready to walk out the door and take on the world? Do I know where I am going? Do I have what I need to get there? Do I have snacks?
The other day, my coach asked me, “What are you ready for?” and I paused.
“What are you ready for?” What a great reminder of the power of powerful questions.
I started wondering: what does it mean to be ready?
Are ready and being prepared actually the same thing? Being the librarian that I am, I looked them up: “Ready: in a suitable state for an activity, action, or situation; fully prepared.” “Prepared: ready; subjected to a special process or treatment.”
On the surface, those seem like the same. When I look agin though, I see that they are not. You can be prepared for something and not ready for it.
Ah, yes. I know this well. I’ve learned this lesson.
Many years ago, I took a senior leadership position where I led multiple programs, directed a large team, managed a sizable budget, among other strategic and tactical responsibilities. I was prepared for that role: I had the right credentials, years of experience, accomplishments to point to, mentors, work ethic, communication skills, vision.
In truth though, I was not ready for it. Whether I question whether it was my maturity, my ego, my skills, my mindset….I was not ready. I was not in a “suitable state.”
I didn’t know this at first. At first, I relied on my indomitable optimism and growth mindset: I am learning, I am growing. Keep going, keep trying. You’ll get there, honey. This is the road to success. You’ve been getting ready for this. You can do it.
My body, though, started telling me a different story: I was losing weight (not in a good way). My nails were splitting. I was grinding my teeth. I wasn’t sleeping. I woke up in the middle of the night with a to-do list a mile long. I was drinking every night.
I was convinced, though, that I could push through. I would look at myself in the mirror and say, “I can do this, damn it. I can do it. I’ll just get more prepared.” I read books on leadership. I asked leaders I admired for advice. I started dressing like what I thought leaders dressed like. I iterated on how often we met and in what way we ran meetings. I edited the number of meetings I went to. I tried to own my time. I delegated. I stayed late. I went in on Sundays.
Sure, I missed things with my daughter but everyone has to do that, right? Sure, I felt late or absent or lacking pretty much all the time, but fake it til you make it, right? Sure, I wasn’t having fun but that’s why they call it work, right?
My body wasn’t having any of it: My hair started falling out. My back went out over and over and over again. On one of my many visits to the chiropractor, he said, “You might like your job but your body doesn’t.” Still I didn’t listen.
Then, I miscarried.
I know that might have been hard to read. It’s hard to write, even now - ten years later
A breath here.
I felt like a failure, on a number of levels. Wasn’t I supposed to be ready for this job? Other women seem to be doing it. Hadn’t I done everything I was supposed to do? Wasn’t I good enough? Smart enough? Enough? Wasn’t I enough?
I’ve taken five breaths since I wrote that last paragraph.
A common coaching question is “What is here for you now?”
What is here for me now in recounting this tale? What is here for me now in reflecting on this dark and difficult time?
Gratitude. I left that job and found a terrific one. I did work I loved for a wonderful cause and with a wonderful team. I worked from home so I could parent the child I have in a way that I was proud of.
Compassion. That younger me was in a lot of pain. And was out of alignment with her values. And she learned that lesson but there was a lot of pain in the learning. I loved her well then, I think. I love her well, now. She was doing her best. And her idea of what was “best” has changed.
Perspective. That was then, and this is now. Now, I listen to my body and I work with people to listen to their’s. I have grown in ways I didn’t anticipate. Growth that made me ready to listen in ways I was not before. That made me ready speak in ways I was not before. That made me ready to serve in ways I was not before.
What are you ready for?
I’ve long loved William Stafford’s poem You Reading This, Be Ready. It reminds me that I am ready for things other than what I imagined I’d be ready for. “Starting here” there are things to notice, to listen to, to see that are small (the sunlight, the scent, the sound). They are of value. They are guides. They are available. They are here now. When we turn around.
What are you ready for? Perhaps the answer is now.
Prompts for you:
When do you feel most prepared? When do you feel most ready? What are the similarities? What are the differences?
In what ways have dark and difficult times helped you?
What is here for you now? Right now?
What are you ready for?
Posts related to today’s theme:
Where We Meet Ourselves: A tool to connect to our voices, viewpoints, questions, and answers.
Shh..Listen: Rethinking what is means to practice listening
Noting the Details of Our Joy: Ode to a daffodil
If you wonder…
If some small part of you wonders about a new direction in your life and you aren’t sure how to get there, you are not alone. As your coach, we’ll go forward together. Email me and we can talk about what’s possible, together.